Date Night

There once was a time when Date Night consisted of some elaborately planned event that usually meant going over my budget three times before we left. I wanted to make sure we had enough to enjoy our expensive dinners, pricy movies (with popcorn of course) and big-ticketed sports events. Lately, our date nights entail quick trips to the grocery store, window shopping for our big dream items, movies at home, and drive around the neighborhood and mountains. I’ve enjoyed all of these dates, because, let’s face it, I married a stud, who happens to be the best person I’ve ever known, and my very best friend! Last night was a great date, not filled with lots of money spent, and we stayed within a two mile radius of home. After a trip to deliver some Christmas Presents to friends, and a bit of stock stuffer shopping, we landed in a local restaurant parking lot with dollar burgers and lots of conversation. We sat there for an hour and half just talking until my eyes were heavy and I was ready to crash. It was glorious! I thoroughly enjoyed the time spend with this man I’ve married. I’m eternally grateful for him! I constantly hear stored about abuse and other terrible things, and think, “Man, I got a good one!” The Lord has blessed me! I’m glad to have someone who has the integrity of a saint and takes pride in his honesty. He’s such a wonderful example to me, and as cliché as it is, he makes me a better person! I love him with all my heart and I’m so glad that we can eat cheap burgers, and have conversations in a random parking lot until I’m too tired to stay awake!

Friendship

How do you put into words how important friendship is? I have friends who live close and others who live far away, but each person have such a wonderful impact on my life. I’m so extremely grateful for the relationships I have with these people.

Yesterday, Dave and I receive a gift of kindness that I will never forget. We received an envelope full of cash and a card that explained what this was for. I don’t want to write word for word, because much of it is quite personal to me and the person who wrote it, but it basically said that several of our friends took donated items, sold them in a garage sale, and gave us the proceeds to put towards the financial burden of growing our family. I can’t seem to find the right words to show our gratitude and how much this meant in our hearts. We were both so overwhelmed with emotion. The fact that they would take time out of their busy days to put this together means more to us than they will ever know.

 

A few weeks ago, I also receive a hilarious card from my friend in Arizona. It really meant a lot to me that she would take the time to fill this card with loving words of encouragement.

 

I have been blessed with amazing friends and I thank God everyday for each and every one of them!

 

John 15: 12 – 17

This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have love you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth; but I called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you. Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and your fruit should remain; that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you. These things I command you, that ye love one another.  

Results

I promised everyone that I would update the blog with the results, so here you go.

 

The results were negative. On Monday morning, Mother Nature showed its ugly face. In a small way, it was a blessing because I was able to be upset in the privacy of our home, and not at work. I tried to keep everyone’s text, calls, and emails at bay until I received confirmation today, although I slipped to a few people at work. I’ll admit, I’m struggling being positive about the whole thing. In many ways, this feels like a miscarriage to me. It’s hard to put into words, but emotionally and spiritually, I feel drained, devastated, hurt, heartbroken, disappointed, etc. When we started this process, I didn’t just picture the pregnancy; I saw long nights at home getting to know our little one, family pictures, playing, crawling, getting into messes, crying, diapers, those little fingers and toes, etc. I pictured it all and it is heartbreaking to see that disappear out of reach. I’m not saying we are giving up, but for now, we just don’t have the financial means to do this again for quite some time. And since we didn’t have any embryos to freeze, like we had planned, it may take even longer than we expect.

 

I would like to tell all of you that we appreciated the love, prayers and support we’ve received from our wonderful family and friends. You’ve all been tremendous and we are so grateful to each and every one of you!

Egg Retrieval & Transfer!!!!!!!!!

This morning seems like a good time to update y'all on the happenings of in vitro! :) I've really dropped the ball this week because a lot has happened. First, injections lasted two weeks, starting on April 29th and ended on May 9ths. The evening of May 9ths, we had one last shot, exactly 35 hours before they retrieved the eggs,  that "triggered" my eggs to be ready to be fertilized. This was a shot of HCG, which is a pretty well know hormone that women produce during pregnancy.

On May 11th, we walked in our doctors office at 7:15am and prepared for the first procedure! Boy does that anesthesia work wonders!!! I remember walking the few steps to the procedure room, in one of those wonderful hospital gowns where you bottom is poking out, and lying on the table. The last thing I recall is me laughing as I felt the drugs in my system. I wake up about 30 minutes later (according to Dave), get dressed and head home. The doctor told Dave that he had retrieved fourteen eggs, which is wonderful! At this point I am feeling wonderful, as the anesthesia is still in effect. By the time we get home, I am already starting to feel the pain. It wasn't too bad but it wore me out, so a 3 1/2 hour nap was in order. That evening was not a good one. The pain only got worse and I developed some frustrating symptoms. Going to the bathroom was extremely painful and when I lied on my back, I had problems breathing. Dave was seriously so wonderful to me in particular this night. He even slept on the couch with me all night, since I tried to sleep sitting up in order to breath. Neither one of us got a ton of sleep and he had to work the next day. I was still in quite a bit of pain on Sunday and even into Monday, but the issues were resolved and I was only feeling a bit swollen on Tuesday.

We were given updates on our eggs on Sunday, after they had fertilized each one. Three eggs were over mature, and three were under mature. We had eight left. By Monday, two of those eight had stopped growing, but we still had six embryos looking good. They base their progress on a grade scales, A through D. It's not unusual not to get an A grade embryo, as they have to perfect to get this rating. We had one grade B, two grade C's and three grate D's.

Tuesday I headed to work, ready to catch up before the Thursday transfer of our embryos. I received a call from our doctors office at 8:45am, which I thought was just another update on our embryos. To my surprise, they wanted to do the transfer in just a couple hours. Dr. Mag, wanted to put three embryos in (1 grade B and 2 grade C's), so give us the best chance possible. This is a bit aggressive for my age, but this could be our only shot, so we went for it. My wonderful boss was more than happy to let me head home to get things ready. Dave's wonderful co-workers covered his shift at the fire station, and by 11:30, we were off to the doctors office to do the transfer! My co-worker said it best..."Babies are unpredictable, and this whole process has been that way... get used to it!!!" It may have  been a surprise to do the transfer two days early, but we were both eager for it! Dave was allowed in the room for this procedure, so they forced him into a hazmat suit (haha, not quite, but it sure looked like one), and I wore my wonderful backless gown. The procedure itself is fairly simply. They require me to have a full bladder, so that they can position the catheter in the right place. Once the catheter is in, they string a smaller catheter and insert the embryos. We only see a quick spritz of fluid on the ultrasound, but it was still a wonderful moment. As soon as the catheters were out, the whole surgical team yelled, "Get pregnant Sarah!!!" It was really a cool moment for us both!

We were given a picture of our future baby(s)!

Now comes the five days of bed rest and I am already antsy! We scheduled the pregnancy test on the 28th and it can't come soon enough! lol I can't wait to start a family with my wonderful husband, who just so happens to be my best friend! What a wonderful blessing to go through such an amazing process with the person you love the most!

I want to extend a quick thank you to everyone who have supported us throughout this adventure and all of your prayers and good wishes! We feel extremely blessed to have each and every one of you in our lives!

Abby!!!

On April 12^th, my sister, Becky, had a beautiful little girl! This make kiddo number four for her family, and number seven nieces and nephews for us! They’ve named her Abigail Louise and she is so precious! I can’t wait to meet her! We are hoping to go out to Iowa in July for her baby blessing, but we shall see.  In the meantime, I have to get my new baby fix with these cute pictures that I’ve stolen from Becky’s blog!

And it starts....

Just another quick update.... mostly for my family and friends who have been following our journey! Plus this keep me from repeating myself all the time! :)

Due to a small hiccup on Friday, our schedule was delayed a bit. After a long weekend, we found out our hiccup has gone away, and we have now officially started in vitro!!!!!! Tonight was my first injection and there are many more to come.

Since injections started a couple days late, our procedure dates move a bit. The egg retrieval is now on May 11th and egg transfer in on May 16th, which happens to be Dave birthday! I can't think of a better birthday present! Then we wait a couple weeks to find out if we are going to be parents in January (our potential due date) or not...ek!

Schedule, Meds and Parenthood...

We officially have our in vitro schedule!!!!

Starting on April 25th, we will officially be on the road to becoming parents. We've ordered $2600 worth of medications/injections (that's right, insurance doesn't cover fertility treatments, which include the medications) this week, which I will start on the 25th. Those injections continue for twelve days and let me tell you, I am not excited about poking myself a few times a day. Luckily my wonderful EMT, firefighter, hubby is oh so willing to help me out with that part! Then, exactly 34 hours before they retrieve my eggs, I give myself a final cocktail of hormones! On May 9th, we head to the doctors office, where I'm given some wonderful drugs to knock me out while they take as many eggs as possible.

This lovely picture represents how much we want this! It also shows the huge difference between my participation and Dave's participation in the whole process! lol 

 

 

How easy does he have it folks?!?!

 

After retrieving the eggs, the lab will perform magic (at least in my eyes) and place one single sperm in each egg, wait five days for the eggs to develop into embryos and transfer back into me!

 

 



Then Parenthood begins!

That is, Parenthood the show! :)

 

After my transfer day, I will be on bed rest for three additional days. I am supposed to be reclined the whole time, minus a few bathroom breaks. Our doctor doesn't want me upright for more than a few minutes at a time. It just so happens that Parenthood is one of my favorite shows, so I found the seasons, used, for extremely cheap and plan to watch them during this time. I also have a list of books to download onto my kindle, just in case I get sick of TV, which is extremely likely!

 

We then wait twelve days to find out if we are pregnant or not. I believe this will be the hardest part for me. I have never been one for surprises, and I'm not very patient when it comes to them.

 

I feel so extremely blessed to have a wonderfully supportive husband, who wants to grow our family no matter the cost! He may not have to go through the physical parts of in vitro, but he is by my side every step of the way, and I know he will be the best father to our children I could ever ask for! I am excited to start this journey with my best friend, hand in hand!

Is it too soon to jump for joy?

Just a quick update-

I've been doing research and found out that polyps can just disappear on their own. Well, guess what!!! It's gone! I'm not sure why it went away so quickly but we are ecstatic about it! This means we are able to continue our normal in vitro schedule! I spoke with the doctor yesterday and we are set up for our final consultation on Wednesday, where we will get our in vitro schedule, and determine the quantity of hormone meds we need. The schedule may not be exact, but it's going to be very close. At least we will be able to plan accordingly with our work schedules.

Bump in the road...

We’ve come across a bump in the road. It’s one I half expected but none the less frustrating! This silly little polyp is proving to being one of my worst enemies in the fight against infertility. We’ve found out that the polyp has been acting as a IUD (a 5 year form of birth control) and that it’s most likely been there for a couple years. This explains a few symptoms (I won’t go into detail) that started a couple years ago. Between Dave’s issues and my own, we have a zero percent chance of getting pregnant on our own. I’m not so upset about the polyp itself, but the wrench it’s putting in our schedule for in vitro. I go in today for a quick procedure to get a closer look at this thing and then we will schedule the surgery to remove the polyp. They have to remove it at a specific type, so that means waiting another month for the surgery. Then they allow three to four weeks of healing time before they will do in vitro. This moves our schedule to June, or July. Removing this polyp is a necessary process, and I fully understand why we have to remove it, but despite the logic behind it, I am still frustrated. I’m hoping my training in Florida mid-April will help keep my mind off things!

On a side note, I am so grateful to my boss. She has been so understood with our crazy schedule these past few weeks. It seems everything is last minute throughout this process, most of which is not in anyone’s control. Some things just have to be done on certain days and I truly believe if I were working anywhere else, it would be an issue. I’m also so grateful to all the support we’ve had! It truly has been tremendous from all of our family and friends!

Polyp

I figured I would give a quick update since I had time today. My first ultrasound last week, showed a polyp (a growth) in my uterus.  They have to verify that it is in fact a polyp and not a blood clot or something else, so I have an appointment next week to check it out. They are fairly certain it is a polyp, and if it is, I will need an outpatient procedure to remove it. I’m praying that they are able to get me in right away to remove it so it doesn’t mess with our in vitro schedule. If we can’t get in right away, then it means pushing in vitro off until June. I’m extremely bummed about the potential for this, but I’m crossing my fingers.

In Vitro

I haven't written on here in quite a while, but I want to document our next big journey, so lets hope I can keep up with the updates!

 

Our story starts with ups and downs, as any marriage does. We were undecided on so many important things but we had each other, and that was enough to take the leap into the unknown. We started our marriage living in a rental house that was owned by a family member. We knew that we wanted to buy a home one day, upgrade our cars, start our careers, and become parents. So, we bought a house, upgraded our cars, and started careers. One decision, however, changed for us. We felt that kids were not going to be part of our future. I, in particular, wasn’t sure having children was what I wanted. I battled this for a long time before deciding that I was leaning towards having a life with just Dave and me. This felt right to us, for many reasons, at the time. We never truly discussed this with our families or friends; it was just something we would say we wanted, and that was that. No explanation needed because we both believe decisions like this should not be influenced by other opinions. It was a decision we came to on our own and if we changed it, it again would be one we came to ourselves. I feel that this type of decision making has been a blessing in our marriage.

 About two and a half years into our marriage, we, yet again, had a change of heart, but this time, we kept it very private. We tried to become pregnant and after many frustrating months, I spoke with my doctor about some hormone imbalances I had. She had several suggestions for me and after several blood test, a small procedure; we finally got everything in balance and determined that I was physically able to have children. This was almost the most frustrating part. If nothing was wrong, then why couldn’t we become pregnant? After another visit to my doctor and still no success with pregnancy, she suggested some testing for Dave. His testing was much simpler than mine. Two tests later, we had our answer.

 

There are three main factors in determining the fertility of sperm in men. The count, the motility and something called morphology. Basically, morphology is when the sperm are “misshaped.” The experts say that a man’s morphology needs to be at least 15% normal shaped (what the means exactly is beyond me). Our results came back with above average in count and motility, buy well below this ideal percentage in morphology. Issues with morphology are not something anyone can control. It is passed down in the gene pool and will likely be passed to our own offspring. It was a relief to have answers and be able to look at our next step. After many sleepless nights of research and forum reading, we decided IVF (aka in vitro) was our best chance at growing our family. We spoke with my OB who also recommended IVF, and she offered us a few great specialists’ names. We came to a decision on a doctor in a very ironic way. I won’t go into detail but I will say that God is good and I know he is guiding us in every step during this journey.

 

We were required to attend a seminar with our Doctor, that was very informative, and gave us some real hope! I felt extremely confident after the seminar because I knew all of our options and almost everything we needed to know to get started. Luckily, my OB had already put me through most of the necessary testing (minus one small blood test...YAY), so we were ahead of the game! Our doctor was very impressed at how informed and prepared we were for what was to come. Because we had most of the testing done, we could skip strait to scheduling and paying for IVF. We had several comments about how prepared we were, which made me feel good about the long nights of research! lol

 

Here's what we've done so far:

 

-We've filled out the 60+ pages of consent forms, disclosures and past medical history.

-We've set the tentative date of May 8ths for the first procedure and May 13th for the second!!!! YAY!!!

-We've also paid in full for the procedures, and let me tell you; it is such a relief to not have to worry about the financial part of things!  

-We've both started on several vitamins, and pills, to get our bodies in "tip-top" shape

-Tomorrow, I go in for an ultrasound (I had no clue they did these before you were pregnant lol) and a full physical

 

It may not seem like much but it's a start and I'm so extremely excited!!!

 

The basic steps in IVF are:

 

1. Start on prenatals and birth control (this is to give the doctors control of ovulation dated)

2. Get blood work done to check the number of eggs viable

3. Twelve days before the retrieval date, start on hormone injections (the amount of these will vary based on my hormone levels, which will be tested every other day)

4. 33 hours before the retrieval date and time, a hormone is injected into me to prepare my eggs and to prevent my body from discarding my eggs (aka a period)

5. Retrieve as many eggs at possible while under anesthesia and then home to rest

6. Blood tests every morning for the next five days

7. Implant eggs back into me (aka transfer day) and home for bed rest for three days

8. Wait 12 days to take pregnancy test (this will be the worst part!!!!)

 

Thats the process and I will try to update as things happen. This is definitely a new experience for us but one I am happy to go through!