The grass is greener on the other side of the hill; a term that
has gotten everyone in trouble at least once in their life. I know it’s most
definitely true for me. Not every change I’ve made has turnout to be the better
decision, although, at this point in my life, the worst one would have to be my
move to a different department with in this wonderful company I work for. I’d
realized what I had before, almost immediately, but I didn’t have the option to
take the decision back. I thought that this move from supervising the deposit
side of things, to loan administration would be one of growth. And it was, but
not in the ways I needed it to be. I’ve learned a lot and I feel that I’m a
well-rounded employee in my industry. I also feel that I gave up customer interaction
(which whom I had built a great rapport), and overall enjoyment for what I did
eight hours a day, five days a week, fifty-two weeks a year. I gave this up for
what feels like endless piles of paperwork, and filing that I have yet to
become accustom too. I feel that I’ve given this new change a real chance. A
year and a half I’ve spent my time here, and it’s been an emotional ride, but I
try my best to keep a positive attitude. I’ve decided that since I can’t go
back, and I don’t want to live in “I wish I hadn’t…” land, I have decided to
start applying to, what I hope will be, bigger and better things. It’s been a
hard decision because I sincerely love the company I work for, will miss my
fantastic co-workers, and my benefits are outstanding in today’s standards.
But, I’m not happy where I’m at, and when I look into the future, I dread
staying in this position. I keep a running excel spreadsheet of countdowns
(vacations, holidays, other simple exciting things) just to keep me going. On
days that are particularly bad, I find myself looking at this spreadsheet more
often than not. Right now, I have a running count until a long weekend off
(originally our annual ski trip but our finances have changed so we will be
missing it). In twenty-one days, I will put work behind me (at least for a few
days) and spend the weekend with Dave doing anything our hearts desire. I live
for my moments outside of work! I can’t wait for them, as I know many people
do, but when my weekends, vacations, and holidays are over, I dread every day
in between. I want to find what I had given up. I want to find enjoyment, drive
and passion for what I do, and although I know one move won’t give me that
right away, I have hope that it will give me more opportunity to find it. We
all have to work hard for the people and things we have in our lives, but I
want to like, or even love, the time I’m spending doing it!
