Greener Pastures

The grass is greener on the other side of the hill; a term that has gotten everyone in trouble at least once in their life. I know it’s most definitely true for me. Not every change I’ve made has turnout to be the better decision, although, at this point in my life, the worst one would have to be my move to a different department with in this wonderful company I work for. I’d realized what I had before, almost immediately, but I didn’t have the option to take the decision back. I thought that this move from supervising the deposit side of things, to loan administration would be one of growth. And it was, but not in the ways I needed it to be. I’ve learned a lot and I feel that I’m a well-rounded employee in my industry. I also feel that I gave up customer interaction (which whom I had built a great rapport), and overall enjoyment for what I did eight hours a day, five days a week, fifty-two weeks a year. I gave this up for what feels like endless piles of paperwork, and filing that I have yet to become accustom too. I feel that I’ve given this new change a real chance. A year and a half I’ve spent my time here, and it’s been an emotional ride, but I try my best to keep a positive attitude. I’ve decided that since I can’t go back, and I don’t want to live in “I wish I hadn’t…” land, I have decided to start applying to, what I hope will be, bigger and better things. It’s been a hard decision because I sincerely love the company I work for, will miss my fantastic co-workers, and my benefits are outstanding in today’s standards. But, I’m not happy where I’m at, and when I look into the future, I dread staying in this position. I keep a running excel spreadsheet of countdowns (vacations, holidays, other simple exciting things) just to keep me going. On days that are particularly bad, I find myself looking at this spreadsheet more often than not. Right now, I have a running count until a long weekend off (originally our annual ski trip but our finances have changed so we will be missing it). In twenty-one days, I will put work behind me (at least for a few days) and spend the weekend with Dave doing anything our hearts desire. I live for my moments outside of work! I can’t wait for them, as I know many people do, but when my weekends, vacations, and holidays are over, I dread every day in between. I want to find what I had given up. I want to find enjoyment, drive and passion for what I do, and although I know one move won’t give me that right away, I have hope that it will give me more opportunity to find it. We all have to work hard for the people and things we have in our lives, but I want to like, or even love, the time I’m spending doing it!